Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
farters have to be the big spoon...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
