I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
