I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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