I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
