I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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