Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
