i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
