I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize