Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
