I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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