my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
