She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
