if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
