Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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