My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
