One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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