He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
