420 ftw
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
