so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
