Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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