I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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