Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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