there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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