Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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