I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
