She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
