Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
