it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
