The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
