someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
