Already got asked if we're dating
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
