Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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