can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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