I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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