kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
