So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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