Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize