you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
