He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
