you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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