The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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