I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
