I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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