i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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