We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
