At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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