guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
