She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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