RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
