apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is this like a preordered booty call?