someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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