I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.