After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.