I want to walk on stilts...naked
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
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FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.