I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.