I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
