mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
