I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
