i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
