If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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