Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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