You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
