i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
