I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
