remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize