I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
