some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
too bad you live with your parents still
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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