i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
