wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
