you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
