Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
