OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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