just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
