Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
