I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
