My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
