And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
