Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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