why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
