I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
