his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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