For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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