Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
