I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
