she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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