i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
