i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
