Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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